I've talked about who Lucifer is here, including some of his titles and some deities associated with him but never spoke about who he is to me there. It just didn't feel appropriate. So here, in a page that I don't know if anyone will really read, I will talk about who Lucifer is to me. Get ready for it... or don't, I guess. I can't tell you what to do.
In my teens, I had wanted to learn more about Lucifer. While I never grew up religious, I still wanted to know if Lucifer was as evil as the people around me claimed he was. Interestingly, it was around this time that I also started to feel a Presence around me - a divine, masculine presence whom I associated with the color gold.
As I researched, I came to view Lucifer as a role model and admired him greatly. No, actually... I probably just adored him. Heck, I would write poetry about him in my late teens and joke to my friends that I had a crush on "the Devil" (Lucifer). It seems really ironic looking back at it all now.
My love and adoration for him lead me to research Satanism, and that led me to a chapter in my life that I don't like thinking about too much. To put it mildly, I was involved with Joy of Satan for about three months until I came to realize how antisemitic they were and left. And remember the Presence I mentioned a bit earlier? That guy was constantly around during those three months and he withdrew after I left the group.
I think it was something I needed at the time. I think... deities or the divine would have been a bit detrimental to me. I needed to deprogram, pick up the pieces that remained of myself and start to rebuild by myself before I could rely on the gods. At least, that's what I've concluded over the years.
You might wonder why I even brought up the Presence and my only answer to you is this: I feel like there's a good chance it was Lucifer. It seems strange to me that this Presence would show up around the same time I started to research Lucifer, and it also helps explain to me why the Presence left after I left Joy of Satan (well, sort of. The Presence did still pop in now and then) but I can't quite wrap my head around why he and/or the Presence stuck around me during those three months that I was in Joy of Satan. Was it to keep an eye on me?
(Admittedly, while I sound somewhat confident in that theory... I also have some doubts. I think that's just how my brain works, honestly.)
Around 2014, I felt a strong pull to work with Lucifer... and he became more of a mentor figure to me. He also, well, constantly broke my foundations and asked me what I was going to do now. Was I going to rebuild it or no? I rebuilt and once I started to feel comfortable, he would break my foundations again. Rinse and repeat.
Lucifer stopped once I started doing the process myself. It helped me re-examine my beliefs, where I stood, etc. I've admittedly grown a little stagnant since then, but that might have been because I wasn't working with Lucifer (or not actively) for a good four years, and then he started to pop up again around 2021 or 2022.
It was through Lucifer that I developed pandeism and a view of everything being interconnected; everything on Earth had a spark of divinity that came from One Source - a Creator entity that is now a part of the Universe in a whole. At least, that's the best way I can explain and conceptualize it.
Currently, my feelings towards him is one of devotion and love. He isn't a role model to me now and while he might sometimes be a mentor, he isn't quite that anymore either. He is, well, everything to me. I love him very deeply, even when hes being a bit cryptic and/or metaphorical to me. I joked about havng a crush on Lucifer as a teen, but who knew as an adult that would basically be the case today.
So who is Lucifer to me? A lot of things: He was my role model, my tough-love mentor and he is everything to me. He is the Light Bringer, the Morning Star, a Prince of Hell, an embodiment of enlightenment and freedom (and a strong advocate for it), a champion of humanity, seductive and charming. I feel like there's more I could list, but none of it is coming to me. He's just... a lot of things to me and I love him deeply.